Goodnight
Hello, Blog Logs, nice to see you here - so cozy in my bed along side me, ready for a nap! One we’ve earned, hmm?
Don’t lie! Nothing was accomplished today.. let’s recap. I woke up, I played my video games (overwatch 2) and enjoyed a bit of a buzz, I got TWO interviews scheduled this week. Then I had a nap.. a very short and unfulfilling one. After that, I went on a walk with Tom, and it was very fun. Even if my hips hurt, and my legs as a whole burn still from a few days ago.
I keep hoping if I more regularly exercise it’ll be less painful, but I may be fighting a loosing battle.
After that, all I really did was lay around. Get comfortable, cry briefly but it was not in any way self loathing. It was a very pleasant cry. It was over such a small and stupid thing that I won’t even detail it here, but if you look at the date, maybe you’ll know why. I HIGHLY DOUBT IT, unless you’re a nerd.
Wishing to edit Ranfren, as if I don’t have major edit block as is. Pushing outside my comfort zone doesn’t seem to be restoring it. Maybe I just like to sit and play with my thought bubbles — who says remembrance is evil and no good! It’s a no good waste of time, I will say. Since I’ve wasted many a day to blurry.. eh, whatever
Loosing intrest in writing since I’m so tired!! It’s like.. almost 1 am, and I am always the first of my friends (my Buddy Tom and my big brother) to turn in for the night. They’re off to the cemetery now, which worries me. Only because I’ve been off my OCD pills, ya know.. how the chronic stoned state makes me drop responsibilities. Like eating
Yet I’m still Fat.
I wonder who reads these. I knew a boy once when I was in treatment who read my physical Log book.. he got in trouble and was moved to the other hall, but I enjoyed the idea that I’m interesting. Not because of that fact alone — I’m interesting even if it’s not noticed or not, and most don’t notice it. With me spelling my eccentricity out like this, it makes me feel more heard and understood I suppose; it makes me feel like a person, since most of the time I consider myself otherwise - not in a weird way. I can see when people read my little logs, but not who. As if they’d get loose lipped and spoil the secret themselves. This is me ASKING nicely for you to tell me if you’re the little someone snooping.. then I can somewhat manage how seen I am.
There are many conflicting situations I find myself in; being on both sides of a river and trying to find a way across.. but comically I bump into myself each time, like I am running into a mirror. What a show, and a show it should be.
Fore I’m a showman! I’ve always been, and it’s so hard to be nervous about people taking your information or seeing you.. it’s not that I have social anxiety. I just can’t being seen as stupid.
I don’t care how people see me, but if they make ME feel stupid - I’ll never forget it and it will bug me.. like a work behind my eyes gnawing at the things I see and warping them into constant reminders of my humiliating mistakes!
But if anyone else remembers, who cares. It only matters when someone else has my information, which, I don’t mean my name and location. I mean my opinions. My personal veiws and how I conduct myself in private.
If there is too many people around, then I loose my ability to control the native..
Ah, well, whatever - so so, alls well that ends. Goodnight, nosey followers and dear friends. I’ll tell you just how tired I am, and about how warm is is in my bed. But do not worry, I won’t leave you out — I’ve made room for you to rest your head.. enjoy this poem, because I certainly won’t. Till next time, sweet dreams, and don’t be shy to tell me who’s leaving these Logs a ‘vote’