Groceries 🚰
Good evening, Logs. Here’s my little report on my day - at least, covering the 31st.
I woke up, enjoyed some Me Time — then I spent a fun part of the day with my brother and Tom, it was just us sitting around watching YouTube on the TV and playing on our separate devices. I’m a huge fan of parallel play.
Our plans were to visit the store, but My Mom threw a wrench into our plans by loosing the keys to both our vehicles.
- LOL
- oh my god,, and she was just telling me that we are all ‘functional’ adults and need to act like it.
We did end up getting to the store, but we only had $50 for groceries. Funds provided by my brother, because my parents would rather pay their boyfriend $75 dollars to mow our lawn instead. My Dad is only making money off temporary disability yet they spend all the cash on weed and vodka.
The sad sack fell down today off his walker. What a joke. I’m finding it easier by the day to not let the guilt of my h8 get to me. He may be my Dad, and he may be disabled now.. that doesn’t mean he didn’t do the things he did. His situation is sad, and I know I will end up never speaking to him about how I feel about him before he dies — just like how he was with his father.
Sickening, really. Family is sickening. The feeling of connection to people, interpersonally? Like.. if we are not binding on a spiritual level, I don’t necessarily like associating with you. Even then, it’s not like I’ll never feel h8 or distance myself from you. As frustrating as it is, I don’t like people. I don’t like relationships, and I don’t like the idea of commitment.
Having the chance to write this out helps. I’m separating my great Social Skills from my own Preferences and Comfort. I’m a people person, but imagine I’m always wearing gloves when we speak. I don’t want to actually have contact with someone.
Even when I’m a lonely little thing; a pill bug pouting that no one picks on me, not even when I raise my hand and shout ‘me, me, me!’ I’ll make a scene, put on an embarrassing little show and I’ll STILL get returned to the store they buy me from.
Return to sender, well, I guess that just justifies the fact I don’t need anyone — justifies.. validates. It makes it a more acceptable fact. Easier pill to swallow.
I suppose it does come down to the fact I assume my feelings are universal.. I’ll stop, for now. This was only to discuss the days events - the fun little things I got up to.
My Talent Agency called and asked me if I’d like to do a photoshoot for Forever21, but I couldn’t audition for it because my family is too poor to pay $50 to let me invest in accepting auditions. It would have pair $2,100 if I got the job and they would allow my to keep prints of the shoot for my portfolio! What a chance, missed. Because of what? Because of the cards I was dealt this time around!
With the amount of times I’ve been around and experienced diffrent lives.. it’s most the time worse than better. You have a 20-80 chance at being miserable, and your mindset and view is the only way to have a good life. It will always suck, but you can make it blow less by smelling the flowers..
I also got my Food Handling Certification online today
Goodnight, Logs.. 🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️🙂↔️ (spin emoji)