the piddling
I sit on my comfortable sofa at 1:36pm today with the news I did not get the job I applied for. Now, by no means am I disappointed. There is 1 million more jobs like this I can apply for, but I wish I had money!
I don’t even necessarily need it, but you can’t feel like an adult by depending on someone.. you feel like a dependent; ironic.
So I have free time galore. School will start soon, which only affects me by making my friends go away on Overwatch; I don’t mind even if it’s a negative thing. After spending years of my life being useless, I’m ready to do something.
My motivation goes up when I get close to getting a job. So I clean myself up and I do all my chores, and just when all my ducks are in the row a car comes at 70mph and makes them all little yellow stains on my white shirt - so I strip it off. Ironed and clean, wasted and on need of another wash. Which is me saying, I get a bit lazy again before getting my next interview. I believe this is plenty normal, a lull in mood after a rejection. That doesn’t mean I can’t note how it doesn’t feel great.
But It does mean I could lie, since I’m not sad at all and I’m making things up to appear sad.